i suddenly am wrecked with guilt.
i once held you in high regard, some bit of awe, and treated you as a good friend. over the course of this year, so many things happened, until i find myself being unable to tolerate your actions. within my mind, i only remember the things that you did wrong, that i despised. somehow, slowly, like a virus, all these unpleasant memories took hold and changed my perception of you.
one day, another person was telling another person about you in my presence. and she was raining praises about you. and i suddenly realised that people who didn't know the recent happenings still thought of you this way. and i found out that i had allowed myself to be colored by the more recent happenings, that they erased all the good old memories.
the times when i learnt so much from you. when you changed my view of what dance was to me, what it is, and what it can be to me. when you were a good friend. when i allowed you to suan me like nobody's business.
i haven't heard from you in ages. thinking back, i should have taken a step back, not gotten swallowed up in what i thought. placed things a little more in perspective, and remembered more of the past too.
i forgot what everything once was. and it's ended up in pure neglect. although i know you have others to take solace in, to hear you out, i must say, i have been really selfish. to doubt you, to ignore you, to have done whatever i've done.
i'm sorry.
i hope you're fine, that you're able to fight the inner demons, physical demons, as well as all your other problems. maybe, one day, i hope that when i've overcome my guilt, fear and negative emotions, i'll be able to relate to you again.
i hope the day doesn't come when it's too late. but until then, all the best, and take care, my friend.
living in my fantasy world
on Tuesday, June 30, 2009; 11:28 PM
