i realised i've managed to close myself off, such that i wasn't that emotional about everything anymore. like when dealing with certain things and people, listening to music, watching heartwrenching shows...
i used to tear or cry or get very agitated very easily, but i've managed to control my own emotions.
then came wednesday. laoshi tried to force a lot out of me. i won't say she's succeeded yet, but it's broken the wall that i've built. listening to music before bed last night, gates of dawn just suddenly played. and i couldn't stop. the tears just kept on flowing and flowing and flowing.
somehow, it actually feels like they've been waiting to come out for a while.
watched a familiar dance just now, first came goosebumps, then the tears.
i haven't done that in months.
then i went back to listen to the piece of music that's been giving me so much trouble, , and i found back the initial feelings that i had when i first listened to it. i don't know if it'll help when i dance, but at least my emotions are back.
months of effort down the drain. but, it's for the best.
right?
living in my fantasy world
on Saturday, May 30, 2009; 10:53 AM
