it's the 401st post. and it's a negative one.

i cannot help feeling crushed by what i'm hearing. why why why. i completely understand where they're coming from, but it doesn't help me to feel less crushed.

is it that hard?? i know it's not a fantastic place, but why do so many people have to want to leave, and it's all people who i care so much about. why can't it be people i couldn't care less about/can't wait to see the backs of.

i want to drop COM 208's assignment. just heck the whole thing. here i am, almost 4 hours past my preferred bedtime struggling through it.

at this rate i should just leave too. and search for other places by myself. i've found people i love there too though. and being the one most enthusiastic and happy all the time there, what would happen if i leave? not to mention how i'll feel like i let someone down terribly.

i feel like crying. it's been a long time since i actually let things make me cry, most of the time i cry cos i listen to songs full of emotion/feeling.

WHY.

argh i wanted to write angst-y stuff. but i guess i just am not such a person. not the go-fuck-the-whole-world kind of person. no.

but i wonder about it when i still sound nice and chirpy to people and say i-understand-don't-worry-about-it when all i feel is crushed. i cannot hide the fact that i'm disappointed, although i should have foreseen this. i do understand, it's not that i don't, but it doesn't make it easier for me to swallow. i'm sorry guys.

will post about cny in the next post, this is not the best mood for a cny post.


well, happy new year.


living in my fantasy world

on Wednesday, January 28, 2009; 1:39 AM