this sucks. it's the second sunday in a row i've had to go to school. and it doesn't help that i'm damn freaking tired. well, not as bad as i was last week, but i still am.

COM 201 and 203 quizzes again. and no time to study yea man. rocks. marketing plan thingy. pack my erm three feet deep and 2 metre long table. packed with all my notes/cds/art and craft things/photo albums etc. 

how do people get through all this shit?

i was busy in jc, terribly so, but it was never like this. whoever told me uni should be better than jc should screw yourself. i guess missing people who are important to me don't help. the dancer family is now wayyy to busy to meet up. i still get to meet liying almost everyday, but i only get to see dajie like on sat when she goes for hc dance now, not even time to properly talk and catch up. and our one msg a day thing sigh. i get to msn yanyin whenever there's 201 lecture. but then there's people like wendy, jiaying, yen jeong whom i haven't spoken to/met since maf. and people like regina who make my day because she willingly does all the stupid crap i always do. sigh. all these missing people from my life make me sad.

and then there's the nycd juniors. sigh. i miss the days crapping with bojia. watching the spas ape xueyuan do stupid spas stuff. kou-ing huang hai zi and telling them stories. 

and hccd. i shant' elaborate. it's too painful

we were discussing today, how we should plan a revolution for ntu dance. make it an enthusiastic society with standard. but how to do it when we're already so sianned in the first place? the overall atmosphere is that of a sianned thingy. no one's excited for cca, no one shows much enthusiasm. worse thing is, we don't even know each other's names  except for a few. 

maybe i should give it a chance. like at the beginning, with hccd, we were disillusioned too. how we hated it, and decided to stay back ourselves to practice. and in the end, it became the fantastic society that we all love.

but then again, there was firstly the enthusiasm by liying n dajie, which we all shared. i mean, they initiated the staying back every wed on our own. now, liying's less enthusiastic. she can't wait to leave from cca everytime. she wants to skip when she's got a test the next day. which was unthinkable in nycd and hccd, we just wanted to go for dance so much.

i was initially enthusiastic, but i've lost that enthusiasm. sigh. 

does anyone really care for dancing right now? being overwhelmed by school, the activities and academic work has really eaten into the passion and spirit of dancing. i haven't lost it, rather, i think i've buried it. cos there's really no one to share it with me right now, no one to enthuse about it all with. sucks la.

i really feel like crying. but i don't want to cry.