watching gym videos online brought back a fresh flood of tears. i can't help it, i'm just born emotional. watching those videos, it felt like i was transported back into secondary school. i remember us gymmers discussing the latest gym video online, and we were all so excited after watching anna bessonova's swan lake hoop routine. 

it's so beautiful.

irina tchachina, alina kabaeva, anna bessonova, aliya yusopova. the gymnasts i grew up watching during my gymnastics years. well it was a short lived three years, but i treasured every moment of it. now, two of the four have retired, and alina kabaeva is happily married to some russian official i think. bessonova and yusopova are still in the olympics this year, and still going strong.

i admire bessonova, she's getting older and older, yet she's achieving new levels of excellence all the time. her spins are improving (good it already was), her jumps get better, the apparatus no longer look like apparatus, but part of her. i love watching her with a pair of clubs in her hands. she's unstoppable.

my idol irina tchachina. she gave me the most memorable routine of ALL TIME. that fantastic ball routine just put me in awe, she was all grace and power all combined in one. and her ribbon routines are nothing short of fantastic.

the queens of rhythmic gym. how proud they make me feel, to be able to say i was from rhythmic gymnastics. what they do is not a reflection of what i can achieve, singapore r.gym is definitely not at that level, but they just make me so proud to be a rhythmic gymmer.

i was so upset during that period of time when i had to give up on gym, but the years have washed those tears away, and eroded the strong emotions. yet, this olympics season has me watching the r.gym competitions again, and catching up on the deriugina cup etc of the past few years which i missed. and i find out that i miss rhythmic gym a lot. i loved the stretching, no matter how painful it was. i loved doing all the routines, even if it meant the rate at which we were doing them just before competition. and i also don't regret the injuries i've sustained, painful and long lasting some of them are. my ankles are officially screwed and will never recover, i had a very badly pulled upper thigh muscle, that back injury that made even walking hurt, the knock on the head by a flying club... but no, i really don't regret it at all.

sometimes, no matter how wonderful dance is, i'll still feel like going back to gym. just to feel the exhilaration of stepping onto the mat ON YOUR OWN, getting into the pose, heard the "ting", and then the music starts. i will always remember little scenes of competition and trainings, they're stuck in my head. i remember warming up in front of where the uneven bars were in sec two competition; we were doing lu tiaos two by two, and laoshi told me to tuck my ankle in more. the meng spamming of glitter gel onto our heads, xinling doing eyeshadow for all of us. the moment after our finals routine, gina kunalan came to us and said, "aiyar win ready la", which made us all so happy. playing with the finger strap that came with our gorgeous blue leotards. and in sec 3, leaving class early to 试场地，with the clubs and ribbon stick sticking out of our bags, the ball in one hand and the hoop looped around our bodies. reaching ny boarding house at 610 with xinling to hitch a ride from rach to yishun stadium. doing our makeup, warming, laoshi reminding me to be careful cos of my injury. screwing up hoop cos i was in pain, making fatal mistakes in ball that i never ever made, and getting silver trophy for ribbon. 

and then we had the farewell party for laoshi at steph's place, with the blanket we made for her. the mass crying session, none of us were in the mood to do anything, we were all too upset that laoshi was leaving. and then she left the monday after the competition. :(

now, i'm in a completely different world, one with much less pain and terrible trainings, but equally enjoyable, if not more so. chen laoshi, batchmates, the juniors, the seniors at nycd and hccd are complete love. i've learnt a lot, and it's not all just about dance. it's also about life, about love, about passion. about friendship, leadership, and care and concern. about being independent, about being dependent. i cannot begin to describe all that has happened since i started dance, but i don't regret it in the least (:

i meant this to be an emo post, which it was at first, but i can't help it. talk bout dance and i get happy again haha (:

irina tchachina, how have you been?