maths mock ppr one tmr.i really don't want to think about it, but we're 15 days away from the A levels. 14 for the physics people. and honestly, i'm scared. really really scared. it wasn't this way when i had a grand total of 8 subjects to study for, given that i'd already completed one subject. but i'm frozen at the thought of the A levels. deathly afraid. i want to do well. i want four As. but they seem more and more distant every step of the way. i don't want to let my family down. i don't want to let my teachers down. i don't want to let myself down. i noe i'm a very big barrier to myself, that my thoughts and dire predictions will be my downfall. yet who can blame me for thinking this way? while still at nanyang, i nvr really did well, but i was nvr doing terribly either. i never passed maths while in hwa chong, how i expect an A for a levels i have no idea. mrs tam tells me she thinks i'm fine, that i know what i'm doing, all i nd to work on is my focus during th paper itself. BUT HOW DO I KNOW? how is this proven? it's maths mock paper tmr. i rly want to do it to gauge my standard. but i now if i do badly again, i'll just lose confidence.maybe you say i should be preparing for the paper instead of whining here. but i'm telling you, my hands are shaking while i was doing math after dinner. i've neglected bio and econs in favour of brushing up on chem and maths. now i think these two are marginally fine, it's bio and econs i've to worry bout. i've five 3-inch files and three 3/2 inch files to complete studying by A levels, plus all the extra practices i've to complete. not to mention a whole huge shopping bag of GP materials extracted by my 3 GP tutors over the 2 years. there's just no time.i wanna play. was just telling jie jst now i'm looking forward to the day when we go coffee bean not to study, but to just chat and relax. interesting encounter on the bus. was talking to this nanyang girl about nanyang and about hc. she's coming over nxt year. and the funny thing was, i din even noe her, maybe jst recognised her a little frm my time at ny. how i miss those times. innocent 4/13, the eight of us in a clique, the canteen, the four "wongs" who taught us, the graffiti board, the dance studio, laoshi, piling oureselves into youxin's car for a lift to kap bus-stop...the memories are endless. for hc... despite all i've said before, i've made fond memories here too. my time as a student in schools which "cared" is over. it's on to uni, if i can make it. hurray. oh watever.
living in my fantasy world
on Wednesday, October 17, 2007; 9:42 PM
