i hate seeing people unhappy. esp ppl i care for. i want to reach out, but i dun dare to. i realise i care too much about how ppl feel, and the fear of rejection makes me stop myself frm offering a helping hand. maybe i shld throw away my fear, they may not reject me after all. but it's easier said than done. i miss the times when we were naive and innocent. where nth can rly touch us. where U's didn't frequent our progress reports. and we were happy.and yes, i've gotten back 2 of my pprs. one E one U. i finally passed maths, but failed chem again. and if i hadn't been careless, my maths would haf been a B. can't say i'm happy.and once again, emotions take a dive. went to celebrate end of sats ( i noe, it's been more than 2 mths but still.) today. went venezia. and we sat and talked for pretty long. and not unexpectedly, the topic strayed to nanyang. the times where all was wonderful. in hwachong, it's a love hate relationship. u can't wait to leave, yet you want to stay. in nanyang, it's a love-love relationship, you dun wanna leave, and you want to stay. and while in nanyang, you (or rather, we) always said that nanyang was our second home. yes, we said it. but we nvr realised jst how much it felt like home, how much we felt the sense of belonging until we left. it's only now, now that we've left, that the true horror of leaving sets in. it's been more than a year, and some of the memories have started to fade. but others remain jst as fresh, as does the feelings and emotions. why does time make fools of us all?was out wif liying yesterday. and i suddenly rmbed ajc. my time there was rather fun. traba joso acero. then, 2206. both were wonderful. 2206 was almost perfect. and we survived on a steady diet of niaoing each other as well as playing hard. and thot of the places in aj where we used to frequent. the nexus. the ohana. family. and, i realise that memories of tt place is fading. and i realise too, that i haven thought of carmen in such a long while. 2 months is enough to build a strong bond, but a year is enuf to dampen it. i dun doubt that we'll still be able to stay good frens, but that time in aj is over. that time when i met carmen aileen and kiahui for breakfast during the dec holidays, i felt it, but i didn't internalise and realise it. i've grown away from them. they're all tgt, in aj, gg through the same events, happenings, culture, while i'm e only one of the clique who left for hc. i miss them terribly. but things will nvr be the same again. i've learnt many things, changed my perception of people. i can nvr go back to that innocent naive girl i was. i still am, to a certain extent, but not as i was. thinking back to my last day in ajc. after the last pe lesson again. but the tears remain in my eyes, and the lone tear traces a path into my heart. it's over, it's nvr coming back. people haf left for different countries, different schs, different lives. we've all changed. 2206 will nvr be tt it was, because the people are no longer wat they were last year. sometimes, change doesn't rly seem like a good thing.so many things have happened in this past 2 years alone. my jc life was marked by ups and downs. i've grown immune to many things, shut out ppl frm my life, but the things that matter and used to matter, they have more power than my willpower. they'll creep up on me. and make me relieve the times again. and feel the heartwrenching pain.syf's in about 3 weeks. yet anth event that will create many memories for me. and once again, i feel afraid. for the building of new memories make me have more things to feel that sadness. but these experiences make my life richer. it's again a love hate relationship. peihwa, nanyang, ajc. now, hc.librarian, rhythmic gymnast, nycd dancer, hccd dancer.psle, o levels, upcoming a levels. 1G 2B 3B 4B kindness 5 charity 6 102 202 313 413 S2206 06S73my life has been colorful. not jst because i made it so, but because of the people in my life.yesterday, liying n i ate through the whole of raffles city. then went bowling. than ate through west mall -.- and then today, venezia rum n raisin + tiramisu and bacon stick. i need to cut down, plus save more money. rawr. countdown to syf: 21 days.
living in my fantasy world
on Tuesday, March 27, 2007; 8:46 PM
