my own little world

hohoho! i'm merryily happy!
Y???
because BLOCKS ARE OVER!!!

ok let's see the statistics of screwing up:
gp: erm ok lar. as usual. if i dun deprove i'm happy. but i suspect i will. eww.
econs: ok. i. blanked. out. for the first time in ANY exam. so yup. U expected.
maths: i'm pretty sure i can pass this time :D
chem: in chs language: damn imba. watever u spell it. i applaud rudy lee for setting such a horrible ppr. nvm if e whole sch dies tgt i'm fine. wait. but. wat. if. it's. jst. our. class. rawr.
bio: not as bad as i expected. i could do all except for pro and eu only cos i din haf time to study tt. total only 15 marks nvr do. wat a record!!! seriously. i tink it's one of e best bio pprs i've set for in hc cos i'm relatively better prepared for it.

now i'm rly relieved. although the results may not be good, at least i can breathe now.

hwachong's rly changed me. i'm not too sure whether it's for the better or for the worse. academic wise it definitely is. otherwise... hmm.

i've nvr seen e point of studying so early and so hard for anth while still before hc. even ny prelims, i studied about max 2 wks b4? here i'm contemplating studying like wayyy in advance. but i'm more organised, i plan my study schedule and stick to it to q a large extent. i'm less academically inclined nw in terms of my results, but working wise i'm more so.

i was pretty well prepared for this block tests. i completed all econs, read through e gp tips, almost all maths except maclaurins' which i managed to undst on e morn before e ppr thanks to nicholas, most of chem(except nitrogen, carbonyls and carboxylic acids) and all of bio except organisation and control of prokaryotic and eukaryotic genome. and yet, the most panicky i've ever felt for exams was this time. this morning, jst before entering the hall for bio, i had a panic attack. my heart started thumping and i wanted to jst not go for the exam.

i worry a lot for it. i feel guilty a lot when i procrastinate even a little bit. every day i feel like i could have been more efficient even when i completed 2 bio chapters, 8 chem chapters (with drawing up own notes). and proceed to feel guilty.

and comparing with each exam i take in hc, it's getting worse. promos was q scary to me. now it's nervewrecking. i'll freak out for blks2, then die for a levels. yay.

seriously. wat's it with hc??? i study more but get more stressed. or isit myself? maybe i really stress myself too much. back at ny i could jst play wif my frens in sch e DAY before a test. now, i dun even want to go out 2 days b4 it. but yet i worry even more.

i wish i could be like jie. and efficient study day = can relax a bit and enjoy slack time. i'll jst get guilty. i've been guilty for about 2 wks. now the guilt is finally lifted because the exam's over. jst wait till the results.

and guess wat? i'm contemplating doing MACLAURIN'S TUTORIAL tonight. i can't believe myself. it's the end of exams and i'm rly thinking of doing work. when i thought of it i was stunned. but i believe tt's wat i'm gg to do tonight. rawr.

save me from myself. i need more of a life.

i want to take a walk along clarke quay, at night, by myself. i want to be alone sometimes. ONLY SOMETIMES. i'm not completely lost from my own self yet. but i realise tt the sometimes only happen when i'm in a BIG crowd. or with ppl i'm not comfortable with. sometimes, i wish we could choose the people we're with all the time. instead of being thrust into situations and places we dun belong in.

enough emo-ing

class outing after bio today! q fun :D haha though i only ate lunch with them. -.- went orchard in e end. trying to catch brandon and joyce lol!!! damn funny!!! and then stupid convos on the bus. and chen jiao's insanely hot korean dish. and i miss the old days again. i realise that it's one of e first times i'm out with a large portion of the class like in a sort of class outing and i'm glad i enjoyed it :D go 73!

possible bowling + other stuff wif liying on monday! was supposed to be family gathering. liting n jie!!! try to make it k!!! :DDD

woah my tolerance for music volumes is gg up. and it doesn't help tt the construction of new lifts in EVERY BLK around me plus my own block makes me increase the volume still further. noise pollution man. but... by august the noise pollution would be worth it. anth lift at the other end of the blk. no nd to walk extra when i get hm frm sch or the busstop. :D

ANGELS, ROSES AND RAIN

last night my little girl came to my bedroom
i heard her whisper softly from the door
mummy i can't sleep cos i miss papa
does papa miss me like he did before?

i took her in my arms and then i told her
darling papa misses you the same
the little girls and mummies cry with teardrops
angels cry with roses and the rain.

angels cry roses and rain
angels don't know any pain
so darling when you hear your papa's name
think of angels roses and rain and rain
angels roses and rain.

this morning she was playing in the kitchen
then she took her doll and went outsdie
i watched her as she walked among the roses
i saw a little sadness in her eyes
and then i heard the raindrop on the window
and softly as the clouds that moved above
my little girl picked up her doll and whispered
that's the way my papa sends his love.

living in my fantasy world

on Friday, March 23, 2007; 8:22 PM