i'm resentful.resentful of the people who can dance so happily around me.resentful of the people who can dance and enjoy itresentful of the people who can dance and yet do not care about it.resentful of people whwat the heck. i'm not going to continue. i'm a selfish irritating and irrational person.
i'm just a discordant note among the dancers now.clumsiness among the grace.sometimes, i really despair. i just see no end to this. and it seems like i'll nvr be ok again. i've forgotten how to really let go when dancing, since i cannot afford to do so. i've forgotten how to jump. because i haven been able to for a month. i've forgotten how to run. i've only recently remembered how to walk properly. i should retract my statement of being enthusiastic about dance practices. sometimes it seems ok. other times it's just torture, to sit aside and watch.i hate this.i'm starting to dread saturdays. and maybe mondays. because i'll definitely have to sit aside and watch, while fighting the yearning to be among them. i'm happy that everyone's improving, but i'm worried. i wonder when i'll be able to catch up, if ever. or whether i'll actually be able to dance again.
and i have no idea why this is affecting me so much. afterall, it's not like i'm dancing professionally. the tears keep flowing. they just refuse to stop. shit.
living in my fantasy world
on Saturday, November 04, 2006; 3:46 PM
